Blog by Michelle Pekarsky
I’ve never been good at praying with my eyes closed; my mind wanders too easily behind closed eyelids.
My prayers happen best in my journal and can go on for pages and pages. I write love letters to God, write out interview questions to try to understand my favorite, complicated people in the Bible. I write down amazing scriptures that feel fresh, even though I’m certain I’ve read them before. There are pages full of adoration and awe at all Jesus has done for me, for us. Other entries plead for help and ask for the Spirit’s guidance and reflection.
“December 22, 2019- Today’s sermon was on dreams, and how Joseph had a dream and it changed his approach to everything. Jim asked, ‘When was the last time you changed your life based on a dream?’”
“Aug 27, 2020- I wonder what God would have told me today if I had stopped to listen?”
“Dec. 6, 2020- How dare I question where God is or what He’s doing. ‘Who else has held the ocean in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth…? Isaiah 40:12’”
“April 19, 2021- YOU Jesus, Father, Spirit, have brought me out of and through so many things I did not want. I know you are faithful now.”
“June 28, 2021- Jesus nudged me today with this thought, ‘Michelle, you seek to control and spend so much energy doing so. What if I told you this trial would last one year? What would you do between now and then? What if I told you it would last five years? What would you do with Me during those five years?’”
“July 11, 2021- God, before I would have begged you to make my problem disappear. There was always a tone of ‘I can’t handle this’ or ‘This is unjust.’ Now I pray for your hand and glory in this. I want to make you proud.”
There are days I write old hymns and bask in God’s love for me and my love for Him.
It helps me go out into my world and love, love, love, as he has commanded.
“If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn’t love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.” 1 Corinthians 13:1.