Pineridge Blog

Lies the culture tells us

David Brooks is one of my favorite authors. You may have read his opinion col-umn in KC Star. He also appears frequently on TV representing “the conserva-tive” point of view in politi-cal analysis. Currently he has a great new book out called The Second Mountain. For the next couple of weeks I want to share pieces of a column he wrote that appeared April 15 in the NY Times entitled, “5 Lies Our Culture Tells Us.”

“Career success is fulfilling. The truth is, success spares you from the shame you might experience if you feel yourself a failure, but career success alone does not provide positive peace or fulfillment. If you build your life around it, your ambi-tions will always race out in front of what you’ve achieved, leaving you anxious and dissatisfied.

“I can make myself happy. This is the lie of self-sufficiency. This is the lie that happiness is an individual accomplishment. If I can have just one more victory, lose 15 pounds or get better at meditation, then I will be happy.

“But people looking back on their lives from their deathbeds tell us that happiness is found amid thick and loving relation-ships. It is found by defeating self-sufficiency for a state of mu-tual dependence. It is found in the giving and receiving of care.

“It’s easy to say you live for relationships, but it’s very hard to do. It’s hard to see other people in all their complexity. It’s hard to communicate from your depths, not your shallows. It’s hard to stop performing! No one teaches us these skills.
“Life is an individual journey. This is the lie [that] in adulthood, each person goes on a personal trip and racks up a bunch of experiences, and whoever has the most experiences wins. This lie encourages people to believe freedom is the absence of restraint. Be unattached. Stay on the move. Keep your options open.

“In reality, the people who live best tie themselves down. They don’t ask: What cool thing can I do next? They ask: What is my responsibility here? They respond to some problem or get called out of themselves by a deep love.
“By planting themselves in one neighborhood, one organization or one mission, they earn trust. They have the freedom to make a lasting difference. It’s the chains we choose that set us free.”